Clothes Off!
by ohxmyxria
Summary: /TwoShot/ Edward just wanted to spend an innocent day with Bella in the meadow. But what happens when Bella falls asleep in her clothes? Poor Edward is left to help her out of her jeans. But a hilarious misunderstanding occurs! Rated for Safety.
1. Conundrum

[Two-Shot

Title: Clothes Off!

Setting in the Series: Post-Twilight. Summertime!

Authors: Ria and Rio

Rating: T, but just for safety. I had to borrow my good buddy Rio to give his pervvvy thoughts as to how Edward would react.

Disclaimer:

Ria: We don't own Twilight or the song "Clothes Off!" by Gym Class Heroes.

Rio: Really? Aw, shucks!

Ria: Who says 'shucks' anymore?

Rio: … Cool people. Didn't Bella say it in Eclipse?

Ria: No.

Rio: … Meanie.

EPOV

It was very late. A veil of clouds covered the moon poorly in the sky. As stealthily as possible, I dashed up to the familiar two-story house on the edge of the forest. Bella shifted around in my arms but didn't wake up as I unlocked the front door. A piece of white paper was taped on the wall just outside the refrigerator.

Bells, Alice called and said you were staying over for dinner. I'm over at Billy's. Be home late. -Dad.

I smirked as I read the note. Good ol' Alice to the rescue again.

In truth, I had sprung Bella from her room this morning while Charlie was at work. We had spent a glorious sunny day at the meadow. Our meadow. I wanted to have a nice conversation with her without Bella begging me to change her. Seeing me sparkle was the perfect distraction. But her warm body lying in my arms kept me occupied as well. Needless to say, we lost track off time.

Some time during the run from the meadow, Bella had dozed off, cradled against my chest. I had told Bella that running came naturally, that I didn't even have to think about it. However, with her heated skin pressed against my chest and her arms wrapped around my neck, I had to concentrate a lot more to avoid the trees. Bella seemed to be throwing all of my natural instincts out of tune.

Careful not to shake her, I took Bella up the stairs and into her room. I looked at her glowing alarm clock. It read 11:21. As I was placing her on the bed, the sounds of the Cruiser pulling down the street caught my attention. I sighed, thankful that I had got her home in time, but a little put off by Charlie's prompt appearance. Even without trying, he seemed to be depraving me of Bella's presence. I tossed the covers off her and dove into her closet.

Chief Swan parked the Cruiser and scurried into the house. I could hear him stumbling in the darkness to find the staircase. Humans were really useless in the dark.

He quietly opened the door a crack. She is home. Good. I shouldn't have doubted her. Charlie closed the door with a smile. It seems like she is spending more and more time with the Cullens. Edward in particular. I should make an effort to bond with her next weekend.

Charlie had just taken one step into his room when the phone started to ring. He cursed quietly as he hurried down the stairs to catch the phone before it woke Bella. In the dark, he stubbed his toe on the wall beside the sofa. Eyes watering with pain, Charlie picked up the phone.

"Hello. Swan residence."

Even from Bella's closet, I could hear the other man reply. "Charlie! Good, glad I caught you before you dozed off."

Charlie fell to the couch with a sigh. "What's so important that it can't wait for the daylight hours?"

"Well…" His voice lowered ominously. "Something's been spotted in the woods. Something big. Mrs. Stanley just called us."

"What do you mean, something big?"

"Might just have been a wolf or something. She heard howling. But get this; she says it was big as a car. Flattened two trees."

Charlie was alert immediately. "Did you call Brookes yet, Collins?"

"Nah Chief. Wanted to get your go ahead before we called a hunting party."

"Get him now. I'll be there in five." Charlie hung up the phone in a hurry. He slipped on his shoes, gun, and jacket that he had just taken off. I couldn't help but to feel sorry for the guy. He paused on his way out. Might be out till morning if we can't find anything. Better leave Bella a note.

Charlie found the note he had left for his daughter this afternoon on the kitchen table were I had left it. He flipped it over. After scribbling a quick message about an emergency and being home later this morning, he ran out the door.

I emerged from Bella's closet as the sounds of the Cruiser's engine faded. Bella tumbled fitfully on her bed, mumbling random words in her sleep. I smiled down at her, crawling under the covers. I took her into my arms and she stopped thrashing.

Sharing a bed with Bella was quickly becoming one of my top five things to do. She was always so full of life, even when she was unconscious. Bella snuggled her head to my chest. Her breathing evened out as my cold flesh made contact with her cheek.

Her mouth opened slightly as she shifted her head. I leaned forward, waiting for her sleep talking to start. "But Mom, I hate Florida. It's too damn hot." She grumbled. "Urgh. Can't we go somewhere else? I'm burning up."

I did my best to hold in a chuckled. Bella had the strangest dreams.

Then, her leg brushed up against mine. But, instead of her skin, I felt the denim material of her jeans. I mentally smacked myself. No wonder she was hot; she was still wearing her clothes from our trip to the meadow. I sat up in bed, moving the covers off of us.

I made my way to the end of the bed, untying her sneakers and placing them on the floor. She sighed contently as I peeled off her socks and tossed them into a pile of clothes on her floor. I smiled as she wiggled her toes.

Now came the hard part.

I hesitated, not sure she to do now. I couldn't just take Bella's clothes off. The seventeen-year old teenage boy in me cringed. That would be something I didn't think I could handle. She would kill me if I ever found out anyway. I could call Alice to undress Bella. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Why wasn't she here, anyway? Surely she would see the predicament I was in since she knew I was spending the night at Bella's after our day in the meadow.

Wait. Didn't Jasper say something about an extended hunting trip with Alice? Was that this weekend? I groaned. Now what?

Bella rolled about on the bed, moaning about the temperature again. I sat up on the bed and traced her face with my finger. The cool touch seemed to be working. I placed the palm of my hand on her brow. She really was burning up.

Maybe I should just walk her up to change into pajamas. But I detested the idea of disturbing her sleep. She hadn't been getting much of it lately, thanks to me. We would often stay up all night talking, her only drifting off once I calmed he down with her lullaby. But what other options did I have?

Just one.

I released a shaky breath as I looked down at her body. Jeans had to be uncomfortable to sleep in. I couldn't just let her suffer. And she had complained about the heat. Besides, I will apologize for it in the morning. Okay, now I was just trying to rationalize what I was going to do so I would believe this wasn't the least bit inappropriate.

I hadn't been lying when I said I desired her; any man would. And any other male would have taken advantage of the situation. Of… undressing Bella. I shoved away the perverted insinuations of the phrase. I was just trying to help out my girlfriend! There wasn't anything wrong with that. Even if it meant taking off Bella's clothes.

Time to face facts. Maybe I was as big of a prude at Emmett and Japer accused me of being.

I'm just helping Bella. There's nothing perverted about that. I'm just helping Bella. There's nothing perverted about that. I repeated this again and again as my manta. I took another breath, raked my fingers through my hair, and crawled on top of Bella. These damn jeans are the first to go. I didn't want to admit it, but I was a bit excited. Focus, Edward, focus!

I slid down to her waist. Her shirt was ruffled, exposing a bit of her stomach. I had to concentrate very carefully on the button first. Oh God, my hands were shaking. I chanted my manta silently as I undid the button. Good, no major screw-ups yet. Next was the zipper.

God help me. As I unzipped her pants, a bit of her pale blue cotton panties peeked through. A new beast of hunger roared inside of me. This one didn't want her blood, but wanted her body instead. I will was stretching to the breaking point.

I tugged at her pants lightly, slipping them off her hips. I tugged them with me as I inched off her bed, exposing more of her pale flesh as I went. Just breath. I gave myself the same advice I gave Bella when she lost control. I took in a deep breath. The scent coming off her skin was more concentrated now with more of her delicate flesh uncovered. It hit me with the force of a bulldozer.

I turned my head away, staring out the window. That was a bad idea. Don't breath at all, I amended. I couldn't afford to fight down two strong urges at once. As I turned back to her bed, I couldn't help but feel one was stronger then the other.

Bella's jeans now hung at her ankles. As she turned about in her sleep, she kicked them off. She sighed, curling her legs up to her chest. She looked so adorable. So innocent.

I fell into the rocking chair across the room. That should be good enough. She should be able to sleep in that button down shirt; it was light enough that I hoped it wouldn't bother her.

I pressed my hands to my forehead. That was torture. Now I was positive we could never be that close. I just didn't have the control. And I would hurt her. It was just a matter of time. I wonder if this is my version of hell, i thought acidly. To want what I can't have. To have her so close but eons away were it counts. Fate could be so cruel.

The sun was peeking through the window slightly. I walked over and shut the curtains. Today was going to be sunny again. Just perfect. At least it was a Sunday. I wouldn't have to worry about Charlie either; he still wasn't home, so he would end up sleeping the whole day. Maybe I should get Alice to invite Bella over for a sleepover tonight.

"Edward." I turned around. Bella was still sleeping. It was only five after all. She grumbled into her pillow tugged on the collar of her shirt. I skated over and removed her tiny fingers. They instead clung to me hand. "Don't... don't leave."

"Never." I called into her ear.

Her smile was dazzling. Slowly, Bella's other hand fought with the buttons on her shirt. I hesitated, but then pulled her other hand away. "Here, let me do that." I muttered, swinging my leg over Bella to straddle her.

Very carefully, i undid each button, exposing more and more of her flesh. I lifted her body against mine, sliding the silky material off her shoulders. I laid her back down once the garment was on the floor. I couldn't help but to gap at her for a second before shutting my eyes and turning away. Bella was now only in her undergarments! She wore a silvery bra that clapsed in the front. It contrasted nicely with the pale color of her skin.

I tried to think of some else -anything else- besides the beautiful young woman who lay sleeping under me in barely any clothes. Music. My Volvo. My family.

But then Bella stretched her limbs under me. Her heart rate sped up. And then her eyes opened. Facing me. On top of her. And she was half naked.


	2. Wakey Wakey

**A/N: Fun fun fun. I love making things highly embarrassing for Edward. So does Rio! -pokes Rio-**

BPOV

I had been having the most wonderful dream. At first I had been with my mom in Florida. But I didn't like it so I left. Edward took me to his house and finally gave in. He had bit me. At first, I was on fire. It felt exactly like when James had bit me a few months ago. But I had my guardian angel with me. He cooled my face. And eventually, the fire died out. I thought he was going to leave after I had changed. After all that pain, he might just leave me. What if I still wasn't good enough? But he quelled my fears. And he promised to never leave me. My Edward. Forever.

I knew it was still early, but something woke me up. A cool body on top of me. Edward. So I opened my eyes.

And there he was. Hovering right on top of me. I could feel my face heat up, but my body felt strangely cool. He scrabbled to my side, looking flustered.

"Bella. I didn't mean to wake you up. Um..." He visibly gulped. "It isn't what it looks like?"

Not what what looks like? I sat up. When I did, I felt my covers slip off my torso. My bare torso. Wait, what!? I pulled the covers completely over my head with a squeal, my face lit up like a tomato. "W-what the hell?!"

He took a step towards me looking guiltily at the floor. "I'm sorry." He muttered to my carpet.

Sorry for what? I wanted to ask. I peeked at the floor from under my covers. There, disregarded in a pile, were the clothes I wore yesterday. The clothes I had fallen asleep in. After spending the whole day with...

"Edward Cullen, you get out of my room right!" I shouted, sitting up in my bed. He looked up at me for half a second before he disappeared out of my open window. I wrapped my covers around my body and stormed to the window. After slamming it shut with a bang, I pushed the metal clasp to lock it. I saw him dash into the forest as I drew the curtains close. Good.

I dropped my covers to the floor and found my bag of toiletries. My green tank top and white capri pants lay on the chair. I snatched them up and raced into the bathroom, steaming.

I checked twice to make sure the door locked behind me and that the window in the small room was closed before I stripped out of my clothes. I never had to do that before. But now...

I growled as the water spilled out of the facet head. Cool water spilled into the tub below.

I turned the hot water up with a vengeance. After a few minutes, I jumped into the rain shower.

It was a little too hot for my taste, but I didn't really care. All I wanted was a minute to myself to think. I relaxed each muscle in turn, letting my mind wander for a bit before I assessed the Edward situation. I rinsed the strawberry shampoo from my hair and shut off the water. I yanked a towel from the rank and pulled it around my body tightly.

I hopped onto the counter and started the task of drying my hair. While I sat, I tried to understand just what the heck happened.

I remembered that Edward and I had spent most of yesterday in the meadow. He had held my tightly and told me everything he could remember about his mother while I listened. We had just talked. Nothing had hinted that Edward was going to-to try something.

I'd always held Edward up to such high respects when it came to our relationship. He was always a gentleman. Whenever a kiss threatened to get out of hand, he would cut it off, much to my dismay. So why now? Why did he pick today to start acting like the teenage boy he had been for the past 100 years?

A ringing from downstairs told me someone was calling. I hitched up my towel and walked down the stairs was care.

Charlie obviously wasn't home. I lifted the phone off the hook just as I spotted his note. A quick once over told me he would be home later this morning. "Hello. Swan Residence."

"Hi Bella!"

"Alice! Hey. How've you been?" I hadn't seen my tiny best friend all weekend. She had dragged Jasper on a shopping expedition in Los Anglos on Friday.

"Fine fine." She answered nonchalantly. "We hit about twenty stores yesterday before Jasper gave out on me. What a baby." A grumbled 'I heard that' was clear from him on the other line. Alice shushed him and continued. "So, how has your weekend been?" She asked.

"Um..." How was I to explain the single most embarrassing moment of my life? Oh, I just woke up to find your brother hovering over me as I lay in my bra and underwear? Yeah, just being casual about it. I groaned. "Alice, I'd rather not talk about it, if it's okay with you."

She sighed. "So her vision came true?" Jasper's low, attractive voice came over the phone. He seemed amused.

"What vision?"

I heard Alice trying to wrestle the phone back from her husband. "While we were hunting last night, Alice started to freak out. It's not everyday you see a miniature vampire scare away a two-ton bear by rolling on the floor with laughter." He snickered.

The sound of the phone being snatched away came over the line. "Shut up Jazz."

"Alice, what did you see?" I asked urgently, dreading her answer.

"Exactly what happened, of course. Edward undressing you."

I groaned in embarrassment, flailing my arms about. "I wish you would have called earlier!" I hissed into the phone.

She sounded confused. "Why? Edward could handle it by himself. It was no big deal."

"Handle what!? I wake up half naked and it's no big deal?" I took the cordless phone and walked back up to the bathroom.

Alice just laughed. "Oh! Well, what you thought was what I thought happened at first. You should have heard Jasper laughing." She squealed. "Jazz, put me down!"

"Bella, don't worry." Jasper came back on the line suddenly. "Edward didn't intend to do anything. Apparently, someone fell asleep in her clothes." I froze on my way into the bathroom.

"Yeah Bella." Now Alice was back. "You were mumbling something about it being too hot. So Edward thought it was because you were sleeping in your jeans. Jeans I bought you by the way. They looked great on you. Even if they were all wrinkled from you sleeping in them."

All the color left my face. Then, he wasn't trying...? And I said all that to him. Oh wow. I had messed up. "Great. Now I feel horrible about kicking him out of my room." More then that. I had basically accused him of being a pervert!

Jasper's quiet laughed came from the other line. I could feel my face glowing. Alice told Jasper what happened?! She was so dead.

"Seriously, Bella. Don't worry about it. From the mixed torment Alice saw on his face, your guess might not have been too far off." A loud crashing sound. "Alice! I was just telling her what you said. No need to jab me with your elbow-"

"You know Edward would never do anything like that, Jasper! You know that, too, right, Bella?" She sounded concerned. "Everything will be fine. But he'll want to explain everything to you himself." She paused for a bit. "Oh! I love that outfit. Nice pick, Bella. Edward will love it. Well, we should go. Edward's back. Go talk to him! Love you!" And then she hung up.

I sighed deeply as I pulled my clothes on. I should have known better. Of course Edward wasn't like that! How could I honestly think...? I shook my head as I pulled the emerald top over my head. I wiped off the steam from mirror and started to brush my hair back. I needed to talk to him. Now.

I dashed up to my room to find my sneakers. They were neatly lying on the floor at the end of my bed. Right were Edward had left them. My guilt doubled. Something moved outside. I opened the curtains a pinch to look out.

Edward's silver Volvo sat at the end of the street, just barely in view. And there he was himself, pacing near the edge of the forest. He stopped, turned on the spot and headed towards the house. His whole body shook as he sighed, freezing before he took a third step. Edward walked back to a tree and knocked his head against it. Repeatedly.

I dashed down the stairs as quickly as my legs would let me. So, of course, I tripped. Three times. I picked myself up off the ground and checked for bleeding injuries. None. Just scrapes in the surface.

I threw open my door and let the sunshine in. I blinked rapidly, searching for my Edward.

He still was by the forest. But he had stopped banging his head now and was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the shadows provided by the trees. His eyes were focused on the ground as I hurried to him. Edward flinched back as I stopped in front of him and knelled down.

"I'm really sorry about this morning, Bella." He whispered so low I had to strain to hear him. "I'm not even sure what else I could say-"

"You're forgiven." He gazed at me with shameful eyes. "No really, you're off the hook. Alice and Jasper called to tell me what really happened." I blushed slightly. "Now I have to apologize for thinking that-" Edward cut me off as he dragged me into a hug.

"I've never been more thankful for Alice's gift." Edward drew me closer, folding my legs under me as I sat in his lap.

I nuzzled my head under his chin. "Me either."

**A/N: That's all folks!**

**Rio: That's how you're gonna end it?**

**Ria: Well... yeah.**

**Rio: Boring!**

**Ria: It's just a one-shot!**

**Rio: Two-shot.**

**Ria: Whatev. You just wanted Bella and Edward to get it on.**

**Rio: So? Is that a bad thing?**

**Ria: Sicko! Pervert! Hentai! -smack-**

**Rio: Owchie! o-0**


End file.
